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Lucy Knisley

STOP PAYING ATTENTION.COM

Like, you know, Stephanie Meyer? Get it? [Mar. 25th, 2009|12:23 pm]
Lucy


Did you ever think about reading these books, but then thought:
"I don't really have the time/attention span/proper sort of pre-teen hormonal fascination with vampires"?
Now you can see what happens without taking an entire weekend of your life to wade through
approx. 4000 pages of descriptions on how pretty Edward is!
Read on.


Second Page, Cut for SPOILERZZZCollapse )


Not to step on any Twilight fan's indestructible vampiric toes. I did actually very much enjoy my weekend in Forks.
(as evidenced by my reading the entire series in a weekend)
It's just SO FUN to fun on it.


PS: I have NOT seen the movie yet. I will hit that up movie-rental-store style tewt sweeet.
Because I am the only person on earth who doesn't have freakin' Netflix.
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Comments:
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[User Picture]From: green_wellies
2009-03-25 10:49 pm (UTC)
yaaaaaaay!

i'm actually obsessively re-reading the books right now. all because i've seen the movie like... 4 times within the past 48 hours. i think i have a problem. haha. ugh.

i love your 16 frame rendition of the series. it made my day!
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[User Picture]From: prosperina7
2009-03-26 12:21 am (UTC)
lol I'm seriously compelled to reread them, too, but I don't have the money to buy them (I borrowed them the first time around) and the library didn't have them...I know because I checked on Monday...lol!
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[User Picture]From: skullyflower
2009-03-25 11:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the amusing cliff notes version. Now I don't have to get sucked into the suck of it all.
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[User Picture]From: mizbelle
2009-03-25 11:34 pm (UTC)
oh no :(
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[User Picture]From: emberite
2009-03-25 11:37 pm (UTC)
Your summary of "Breaking Dawn" is perfect. I only read about half the book. Once I found out her child's name was Renesmee, and then that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee, I pretty much stopped trying to convince myself to read every word. Although, give Stephenie Meyer credit for making every character have a happy ending and to have the most anti-climatic confrontation between good and evil.

If you are interested, Meyer's book "The Host" is actually a good read, and her writing is better (or at least not as annoying and drawn out).
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[User Picture]From: casey_lou
2009-03-26 12:01 am (UTC)
I experienced exactly the same thing. Was at the airport and picked up Twilight for laughs, and the next day, was mysteriously compelled to go get the next book. However, I never made it through New Moon. More power to you, you are a stronger woman than I.

Looooove the comics, as always.
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[User Picture]From: prosperina7
2009-03-26 12:20 am (UTC)
LMFAO Can I say how much I love this entire post...because it was exactly what happened to me...lol! I loved the concept of the first book and was completely sucked in from there but the rest of the series annoyed me...I just couldn't help but read the rest, though. It was oddly addictive. And yeah, seriously, what the hell was up with "Renesmee"? That alone...just...oy. Great concept lost in three unnecessary books.
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[User Picture]From: wishcandy
2009-03-26 01:31 am (UTC)
Haha, I thought the same thing about Renesmee. And I couldn't believe I had read all the books. But luckily I didn't buy them. I borrowed them :D
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[User Picture]From: shoomlah
2009-03-26 12:35 am (UTC)
HAHA. That is my EXACT REACTION to Twilight. I scoffed, read the book, could not believe it, promptly read the rest of the books in a matter of days. Cannot believe people think it is legitimately good, and not just teenage romance novel fodder, and yet at the same time... I only live a few hours from Forks and want nothing more than to go and visit La Push. AGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. D:

-C
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[User Picture]From: novabat
2009-03-26 01:01 am (UTC)
I asked a friend, "Does Bella really turn into a vampire at the end of the Twilight series? 'Cause that's... wow."
Her response was, "I'm not telling you! You'll have to read the books to find out."

It was at that point when I cried to the heavens in agony, "Noooo!"
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[User Picture]From: jgkimmy
2009-03-26 01:08 am (UTC)
LMAO Bloody brilliant, especially the birth part.
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[User Picture]From: wishcandy
2009-03-26 01:30 am (UTC)
That was incredibly accurate, and hilarious! XD I wish I never read the books. I picked up the first one when it was released, and continued reading them curious where it'd go. But the 2nd & 4th book were seriously the worst ever.

It's just scary how fast it got popular when i've read way more decent series.

Now I like to pretend the Twilight empire doesn't exist.

And lastly... i don't have a netflix either. And i don't wanna see the movie. >.o too much glitter in all the wrong places.
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From: maelie
2009-03-26 01:53 am (UTC)
Haaaaaaaaaaa! Love this!! :D

Have you read Cleolinda's play-by-play of the whole Twilight series? It is HILARIOUS and is the stuff of legend.

And then the whole "Growing Up Cullen" parody phenomenon. I tell you, it actually may be worth having Twilight around just for all the comedic values it provides. :D
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From: xxxduckie
2009-03-26 02:29 am (UTC)
I tried reading Twilight in the bookstore, way before, when my friends suggested it. Didn't like it.


My friend's cousin went up to him to ask him what he thought about Twilight--he said it's total crap. She says why, with all hurt and pain in her eyes, he says, he's entitled to his opinion and he thinks it is total bull. So hence, little girl retaliates with explanations. He comes back with How many books have you read?" She goes, "500" and he says "have you read the Vampire Chronicles?"




She went "No. What's that?"






FAIL. So the next week, he receives furious messages from that little girl's CLASS. A WHOLE CLASS. OF ANGRY LITTLE FANGIRLS.






----I REST MY CASE.
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[User Picture]From: hitbycars
2009-03-26 03:07 am (UTC)
In a literal sense, that exact same thing happened with Twilight and me, though I downloaded them illegally because pssh why would I spend money on horrible literature?
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[User Picture]From: jaggedapple
2009-03-26 03:46 am (UTC)
Yeah, this.

Also, I didn't actually read anything but Twilight. The other three were 'read' by getting the find feature on Preview to seek out every instance of the word 'Carlisle' and I read all of the worthwhile scenes that way.
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[User Picture]From: dibsy
2009-03-26 03:46 am (UTC)
Huzzah! You quoted my favourite porcelain god bit! Thanks for summarising them, btw, it saved me a lot of hassle.
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[User Picture]From: sbsneech
2009-03-26 04:43 am (UTC)
I at least managed to stop myself after the first book.. at the time, I was amazed I finished it, since for a while, it was driving me -nuts-
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